Although it may seem absurd, I hate to say that this phenomenon actually exists on many levels. For some it’s fear of rejection, and for others it may be a dread of criticism. But that which I have seen most of lately is fear that budding fiction writers have of being misjudged by what is written. To judge a book by its cover is one thing, but to judge an author by their characters is another.
Perhaps I should explain a little more of what I mean. Suppose there is a fantastic writer who is capable and just itching to write the steamiest of stories about a sordid affair, but does not do so for worry of repercussion that their immediate peers (or worse, their spouse) may presume that this writer has fantasized about having an actual affair. Then throw in the complication of whether the writer has religious or familial affiliations which could cast a shadow of shame on the nature of this content.
Darkness on the page equals darkness within?
Or what about the example of a writer who writes the disturbing tales of murder or rape or suicide and does so with such precision and vivid details? In this case, I believe that more often than not, the thought crosses a reader’s mind that the writer must be disturbed to some extent in order to write this content with such accuracy. Now consider if the writer perhaps works a regular 9 to 5 in a professional environment where the coworkers might think twice about whether they actually knew this person or if they were mentally stable.
I could go on and on since each writer has his or her own unique situation. In cases of fearful writers, they worry about conforming to some mold in order to retain acceptance of their non-literary peers and to avoid misjudgment. After all, just think of how life must have changed at the end of the 19th century for Kate Chopin after she wrote The Awakening, which contained taboo themes of femininity and sexuality. Maybe consider how friends, family, and readers viewed Yukio Mishima in the mid-1900s after he completed Confessions of a Mask, in which the main character struggles, among other things, to come to terms with his own homosexuality.
To be perfectly frank, I am guilty both of harboring this fear and of casting such judgment. I will admit that there are writers that I would be petrified to meet just by the nature of their books. For instance, I would have been beyond frightened to meet the late Roberto Bolano after reading 2666, with the seemingly endless details of raped and murdered women. And I would undoubtedly be intimidated to meet Joyce Carol Oates after reading any of her violent-natured works for which she has acquired a somewhat of a reputation. Of course, after I rationalize, I know this is utter nonsense as these authors are not a projection of their characters. These writers have created, at least in my opinion, some fantastic art and are great contributors to our literary collections today. In short, they hold not my apprehension, but my admiration and respect.
So how does one overcome this fear? How does one face family or coworkers after exposing one’s deepest, darkest inner workings? It is not easy, and sometimes it can feel like making a choice between being true to oneself or preserving those who care about us most. There may not be a solution, but maybe this will help. Here are some comforting words that I have written and keep in my journal as a daily reminder. It is now what I encourage my fearful friends to recite:
Everyone’s mind eventually goes to a dark place or visits a ridiculous plane of oddity. Judge me not by my thoughts, but on my courage to write what everyone thinks but dares not say…
And if my mind has gone to places further than others have ventured, judge me not by my travels, but by my creativity to have imagined the unthinkable…
And if you don’t like what I have to say, judge me not by my words but by the honest manner in which I share them with you. The fact is these thoughts exist, I thought them, wrote them, and despite that, I am still the same person I was yesterday.
Then, my friends, go see about some great writing. Be courageous, and be free.
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