didn’t get into any arguments, fight anybody, just have tooth pain, advil, two months, three, nevermind, it wasn’t your fault, don’t blame yourself, really, you were doing the best you could.
I’m going to fight you. literally. I’m going to fight you.
anyways, stumbled upon a book about building houses. decided to get started early on getting my home equity line of credit. you know what? I’m going to buy furniture with it. I’m going to get a loan on my house to furnish my house and pay off the loan with money I steal from people who come to my house. furniture: to attract houseguests. my second investment: a robotic arm that’ll pick up houseguests by their ankles and shake their lunch money out like the first grade.
will have to find a way to differentiate myself from my houseguests to the robotic arm. maybe a special code word, like, “pidgeon,” or “OH PLEASE GOD NO.”
that was all a lie, I haven’t got any book like that.
am extraordinarily sensitive with dentists. delicate profession. like surgeons. went in for my toothache on friday, just a little shave off one or two, literally microns of enamel in the way between myself and not-toothaches. my dentist just finished up his very first dental implant surgery and was feeling awfully tired. I said, “why don’t you just relax, and I’ll do it.” he said, “you’d do that for me?” I said, “what’re friends for?” he said, “you’re a pal.” I said, “anytime, big guy.” so he handed me the drill, and I was nervous, not having any, uh, formal training with it, but I know plenty about dentistry just from having teeth and being my father’s son. anyways, I got nervous. I said, “do you have any clay? I’d like to conceptualize.” he said, “conceptualize how?” I said, “I know which tooth hurts, and where, but I’m not sure my hands could find it. if I had a model to work with, maybe that could help.” a dental hygienist gave him a hot lavender towel for his forehead and a pillow for his back. he reclined. “would you mind?” he asked the hygienist. she didn’t mind.
I lost interest in sculpting my tooth pain and started a bust of his face instead, with this in mind: is a smile made of teeth or the gaps between teeth? it’s a question that’s been bugging me ever since I had braces. always wanted to ask my orthodontist, but my mouth was always full. anyways, I finished, and the piece is at the kiln right now, but when it’s all fired and ready, I think I’ll paint it chimney red and mail it to him. my orthodontist, I mean. I think he’ll understand.
also, that was all a lie.
