XENITH

everybody’s behaving pretty well here at the library, considering sleep deprivation exhausts morality fastest. I’ve been listening to that librarian again- the Jesus-loving librarian, so fearless. now she thinks I ought to convert. am I going to take away her Jesus? no, I’d never do that.

I tried explaining that whole religion-that-worships-cold idea to her again- what an undertaking. sometimes your best isn’t enough. no, you wouldn’t try to be cold any more than usual, you’d just have a different attitude about it when you arrived at that point. the point of coldness. you’d say a certain phrase, or prayer. maybe something like, “wow, thanks a whole lot, coldness!” or “oh, coldness, you’re still there? what a pal!” or “coldness, old buddy, you’ve come through for me again.” something sentimental like that.

I even pitched her my novel idea. it’s basically The Chosen, except instead of Jews, you’d just have a bunch of coldness-worshippers in a baseball game. she thought that would send the wrong message, and I am starting to think like her about that, too.

anyways, I was looking for the only literal statement on what God is in the Christian Bible- one of the gospels calls him light and love- and I couldn’t find it. could I blame editorial oversight? am I going to take away her Jesus? no, I couldn’t, I won’t.

do a google image search of “light and love” and this image:

when I encounter art like this, I like to remember that in a hundred twenty years, all of us will be dead.

will make you will vomit. you will fucking vomit. this is why she is a librarian, though: you choose to open some books, choose not to open other books. you remember that “light and love,” for some people, means the Internet, or you don’t remember.

when the power grid collapses, or when there are no longer enough computers to sustain the Internet, it’ll create a new kind of nonexistence: an absence which wasn’t there before. I’m excited. we should all be excited. words and images have never faded into the ether the internet will, one day, maybe, enter. am I giddy over the possibility of it one day mattering even less if I say here that I’m giddy? oh, it shows. oh, I do nothing to hide it.

light and love, lovers. burn burn burn.

Related posts:

1. THE GOSPEL OF no

   I have had a toothache for several months. it's not your fault. don't blame yourself. your cheeks, etc. ...