there ought to be a paralytic olympics: just for people who can’t move their legs. only wheelchair basketball and pool. nothing else. nothing ever else. there ought to be a place where you get a prize for being really only half there.

it’s like those russian dolls: one inside another. inside every normal person there’s a wheelchair basketball player waiting for his heartwarming story of hope and perseverance. inside every wheelchair basketball player there’s a quadriplegic waiting to inspire us all with his bravery and optimism. inside every quadriplegic there’s a persistent vegetative state ready to look as us with such knowing eyes, in spite of incurable disability.

differently abled. we’re all differently abled. it’s a logical fallacy. if everybody’s differently abled, then why would you call only people who can’t see differently abled and not people who can see? because the difference has little to do with actual ability- how many people who say “differently abled,” that is, who aren’t themselves “differently abled” (or just plain different, if you please), would actually be affected by the performance of these different abilities? more people can call the blind “differently abled” than can be directly affected by their actual different abilities- better sense of smell, better hearing, can’t drive, etc.

it’s a dubious euphemism. so why does it exist? why is it there?

because it used to be handicapped. people didn’t like that, it had negative connotations. which it does. I always thought it was a funny word. is it a special kind of cap? one that you have to be a handyman to wear? is something wrong with your kneecap? suppose I’m a kid. I notice a guy in a wheelchair. will I be confused if I see he’s not wearing a hat on his knee, and isn’t a handyman?

it’s possible. OK? so handicapped doesn’t work, either.

there’s disabled. a slight improvement over handicapped, but it still has several flaws that really hold it back from achieving its full potential as euphemism. empirically, it’s accurate. blind people can’t see. deaf people can’t hear. these are things that other people are able to do. therefore, the deaf and blind are disabled. but I don’t have to tell you anything moer about our modern hell than you know already, merely by breathing the same air as I am. the problem is sensitivity. I mean, really. dis? abled? feelings would get hurt.

the denotation is accurate, but the connotation is insufferable. out of “disabled,” we get: “He’s not disabled. He’s differently abled.” somebody should make this their life’s work: meeting as many differently abled people as possible, just to say those two sentences to them. you know why? because then, you’d be making a difference.