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All of Brooklyn’s Parties
by Ben Nardolilli

I almost fell for him; legality of buying cialis online.He was that convincing – legality of buying cialis online.I have never met anyone who worked with pity like a craft legality of buying cialis online, using such precision.

It seemed everyone was moving out of Manhattan junior year.I was the only one of my friends still living in the dorms – legality of buying cialis online.They tell you to call them residence halls legality of buying cialis online, but to be honest, with everyone else living farther away, they were just places to sleep.Since all the students around me, including my own, were so much younger, it would require making a trek to the outer boroughs if I was going to have any real social life,. Legality of buying cialis online: nobody wanted to come back to the City once they were done with classes.

Because people were spread out, no longer concentrated within a walking distance from one another, there was no casual getting together – legality of buying cialis online.There could be no hanging out.We had to make plans to bring as many people together as possible.Parties seemed to be the only way to do it, and now everyone was turning twenty one, we had a reason to celebrate, and the means to do so – legality of buying cialis online.

I met him when Frieda, my German-American friend and former lab partner, was having a birthday party at Eve’s apartment – legality of buying cialis online.Eve was a mutual friend of ours; legality of buying cialis online.She had lived on my hall and was in one of my comparative religion classes.We grew together by making fun of our professor and sneaking wine to our rooms past everyone who told us we couldn’t have it.In fact legality of buying cialis online, it was a dream about her that convinced me I was a lesbian.

She wasn’t interested and for a year it was a problem, but it was in the past and that night when I went up to her apartment and knocked on her door, I was not nervous to see her. Legality of buying cialis online: by that time, we were friends again.Eve opened the door and gave me a hug – legality of buying cialis online.She could feel that I was breathing heavy.There were no elevators or escalators working between the Bowery and Park Slope and I was not used to going up and down so quickly.

I went inside and made a cocktail.I mixed something red and sweet with a clear liquor that I assumed was vodka, but it burned so strongly that it could have been a cheap version of anything; legality of buying cialis online.I then sipped on it slowly and let myself take it in loudly legality of buying cialis online, nobody would notice I was drinking slower than them.
By the time I finished my second drink, I had said hello to everyone at the party that I knew.I was feeling hot, but decided to keep all of my layers on; legality of buying cialis online.I debated with myself if it was worth undoing my pigtails and letting my hair hang free; legality of buying cialis online.Ultimately, I decided against it.The dark strands would look unseemly, and I would be hotter, my hair forming a brown hood around my head.

One of the people at the party who I didn’t know came up and saw me looking uncomfortable.When his feet came close to mine and he stopped, looking at me, I took a long drink, seeing the bottom of my glass for a moment and then drowning the sight of it again; legality of buying cialis online.Having loosened my mouth up a bit legality of buying cialis online, I was about to talk to him when he spoke first.

“ Legality of buying cialis online: i think you should keep your hair in the braids.I like ponytails.”

“What?”

“You had that look on your face, you couldn’t decide what to do with them.”

“How could you tell?”

“Oh, your eye kept wandering to the upper corners of your lids,” he did an imitation of what he had seen, his blue eyes rising and falling like two drops of energetic rain – legality of buying cialis online.

“Well I guess if you think they’re fine, I’ll leave them up.I’m just so hot in here.”

He smiled; legality of buying cialis online.The flash of a white picket fence in between his thin red lips sobered me up a little – legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: i realized that I gave him an opportunity to be lewd, something I try to avoid around college guys.They’re always waiting to deliver their latest line.But he surprised me.

“Do you want to go up to the roof?”

“There’s a roof?” I coughed a little.

He laughed.“Of course, how do you think the walls keep from falling down?”

It was the first time I had blushed since elementary school – legality of buying cialis online.“I meant,” I put my hand out for emphasis and hit the guy in the chest; legality of buying cialis online.He smiled as I withdrew legality of buying cialis online, and I knew no apology was necessary, “to say that as a question about whether or not we can use the roof.Obviously legality of buying cialis online,” I almost fell over him saying it, “I know we have a roof.I just don’t know how to use it – legality of buying cialis online.Plus, maybe it’s raining.”

“No, there’s a way up.”

“Is anyone up there?”

“They’ll follow us, I’m sure.”

Out on the fire escape I dropped my drink and it fell five stories below, landing on the sidewalk in front of a group of Dominican men, who swore at me in a circle with a mixture of Spanish, English, and universally understood hand gestures. Legality of buying cialis online: my blonde haired guide told me to ignore them and I did, taking his hand as I went up the ladder to the roof of the building.

Once we were over the ledge that ringed the edges of the apartment complex, we fell over and collapsed onto the loose rocks spread out to cover the top.There were small enough not to cause any major damage, but my right hand hurt because I had landed on top of it – legality of buying cialis online.The guy smiled and brushed away the pebbles that were still embedded in my skin; legality of buying cialis online.A constellation of red marks was left, but I ignored the painful sight.

He was sitting down now, holding his hands together on top of his erect knees; legality of buying cialis online.It made him look poetic. Legality of buying cialis online: his face was at a profile and I could see his face losing itself in a moment of inspiration, gazing out over New York Harbor. Legality of buying cialis online: he looked ready to say something important or inspirational.I sat on my knees legality of buying cialis online, spreading my weight out so the rocks would stop biting at me, waiting for him to open his mouth and bring an end to the silence.

Nothing was said.The only human sounds in the air were from the party down below.I wanted another drink; legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: standing up, I remarked about the skyline and the stars, and how wonderful the view was so the guy wouldn’t feel bad about having led me up for just some fresh air.But I was bored and it was cold.I was also sure everyone downstairs was getting all sorts of ideas about me, rumors I didn’t want spread around – legality of buying cialis online.They would do me no good.

My back was turned to him and I heard his body coming up off the artificial ground – legality of buying cialis online.I did not want to turn around and appear hesitant.But his silence bothered me and I turned around to make sure everything was okay.Physically he appeared fine. Legality of buying cialis online: his blonde hair and blue eyes were in place and he had lost no height or weight.His skin was the color of the pale rocks beneath us; legality of buying cialis online.We both were glowing in the crescent moonlight – legality of buying cialis online.

“I think the view is fine from here too.” He licked his lips – legality of buying cialis online.I could see they were dry from nervousness – legality of buying cialis online.Something maternal in me wanted to hold his hand, put his head on my shoulder, let him tell me everything that was bothering him and then get him to agree that everything would be alright – legality of buying cialis online.

But I could see he wanted more than that and when we sat back down he told me his story.I learned that he was a freshman despite looking much older legality of buying cialis online, was in a long distance relationship he could not get out of, afraid that he would die without ever knowing true love, and that he was also afraid of dying a virgin.

When I heard the last fear, I noticed his hand was on my knee.My skirt was covering it, but the feeling of each fingertip still came through; legality of buying cialis online.Small flames flew from where we made contact and warmed me up.I didn’t want to go back down and scooted up to the edge of the roof, where I would no longer have to worry about supporting myself – legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: there was gravity in his shoulder.I put my head down and rested there.For some reason I found his story compelling – legality of buying cialis online.He could do no wrong, as far as I was concerned, since so many bad things had happened to him, and I begged him to tell me more; legality of buying cialis online.I wanted to believe this was finally the man for me legality of buying cialis online, and maybe it had been a phase after all that I was going through.

He went on, indulging me in his sorrows and it was wonderful to hear each one.Part of me was happy to hear tales of straight male woe, to learn that a position of privilege can’t mend a broken a heart or make one comfortable with themselves in bed; legality of buying cialis online.But also by sitting and listening to him, I felt like I was doing something for the common good – legality of buying cialis online.

I guess I was too drunk to realize what he wanted, for me to help him with the problem; legality of buying cialis online.He kept talking and I kept nodding, eventually I went to sleep in his arms – legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: it was a wonderful revelation for me, when in the morning I realized that it was all I had done, but he was not happy about it. Legality of buying cialis online: he had wanted to sleep with me, but in a more private place, after being exhausted from a heavy bout of screwing and/or lovemaking.
He quickly got his things together and snuck down the fire escape; legality of buying cialis online.He didn’t want my phone number.He claimed his throat was too sore to call me – legality of buying cialis online.It made sense at the time and I thought it was a perfectly reasonable excuse.I was also hung-over and tired. Legality of buying cialis online: thinking about him and what he had told me and how he was treating me in the morning did not interest me.I wanted a greasy breakfast and a soft pillow.
Eve had a friend, Laura, who lived nearby.She had fallen asleep in front of the stereo and could now barely hear; legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: loudly, she told me not to worry and that eventually she would regain her hearing.She also told me that I looked pretty good for one who had just spent the night outdoors.I thanked her, unsure of how to handle a compliment now that every sound, human and mechanical, seemed to squeeze my head like a dirty dishrag.But her voice was sweet enough to sound normal then – legality of buying cialis online.

Laura saw that I was tired and offered me a bed at her place, a few blocks away; legality of buying cialis online.I wanted breakfast first, but I would take a comfortable bed, especially if it was not of the prison variety that the University liked to provide its residents with. Legality of buying cialis online: we went out into the street and the only signs of life were the cars that I presumed had drivers inside them. Legality of buying cialis online: i wanted to take advantage of the space and walk apart from Laura, yelling at her instead of plain talking.I wanted to use a real outdoor voice.

But I wanted to walk as close to her as possible as well and I found our hands brushing up against one another. Legality of buying cialis online: neither of us felt bad about it and soon we were coming into contact with one another for longer moments.She smiled at me and I thought we would start a fire rubbing together over such a small space for a long period of time – legality of buying cialis online.To keep the heat from becoming a danger legality of buying cialis online, we began to spread the area of contact out.Hands were held in order to bring elbows close together and feet grazing one another – legality of buying cialis online.

Legality of buying cialis online: and when we climbed four flights of stairs, together, we found that both of us were tired, but not tired enough to go to bed.Our hearts were racing too fast – legality of buying cialis online.If we tried to shut our eyes, we would open them again, afraid that we would be missing something exciting – legality of buying cialis online.To calm ourselves down we simply lay together, hoping the coolness of the sheets and the darkness of the room in early morning would be enough – legality of buying cialis online.But it wasn’t; legality of buying cialis online.Laura believed the problem was one of comfort and she removed her top and pants, and I followed suit; legality of buying cialis online.If I had remained totally clothed legality of buying cialis online, it would have ruined her theory.

It was right before the Winter Break.Hoping to get everyone together one last time before they all headed out of the City to go back to their original suburban abodes legality of buying cialis online, Laura threw a party, with my assistance. Legality of buying cialis online: that morning I did a lot of baking, making use of her kitchen, which was larger and better stocked than mine.Cookies legality of buying cialis online, brownies, cupcakes, I made them all and was soon covered head to foot with flour. Legality of buying cialis online: laura, who was putting up decorations and cleaning up the place, told me to go shower before she cleaned the bathroom.

Legality of buying cialis online: i undressed and turned on the shower.A white stream flowed from me down the drain.I imagined my skin being washed off. Legality of buying cialis online: there was a worry that I would clog the pipes, a mass of dough forming underneath the bathroom from the mix of water, flour, and oil that was coming off of me.If yeast got into the mixture, then the mass would rise and expand, causing the floor to bend and the pipes to burst; legality of buying cialis online.I called out to Laura half seriously legality of buying cialis online, to see if she wanted to come and join me.But she was quiet.

Soon I was clean legality of buying cialis online, the apartment was clean, and trays of deserts and polished bottles of alcohol and soda were out on the counter.I was in the kitchen, putting the last touches on everything, while Laura went and greeted the guests, changing the song playing on the stereo to suit the mix of people in the room – legality of buying cialis online.Because I was behind a counter, turning every so often to see who was inside, I quickly lost track of the guests; legality of buying cialis online.All that I knew was that the crowds were getting bigger – legality of buying cialis online.More and more kinds of voices were coming into the apartment – legality of buying cialis online.

Laura turned the music up so no one speaking could drown out the tunes; legality of buying cialis online.She wanted everybody to dance legality of buying cialis online, but when I turned around, I saw she was the only one.Her eyes reached out across the living room and played with me.She wanted me to join her legality of buying cialis online, to inspire everyone else.But I shook my head legality of buying cialis online, I had to make fresh frosting for the cupcakes.If she wanted me to be her domestic, she had to let me do my job.

As the blood alcohol level in the room increased and the recycling bin filled up with empty bottles, people began to take Laura’s advice and started to move to the music.There were few couples out on the dance floor, and so Laura didn’t feel as lonely – legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: she could pick almost anyone to move with.I noticed her flying from girl to girl, occasionally settling on the random gay hipster.I wasn’t jealous though.She was just dancing, and I kept telling myself that except for the hipster, most of them were probably straight; legality of buying cialis online.
When I was done I went to dance with Laura legality of buying cialis online, but she was too tired now.I find dancing by myself too depressing, so I drifted around the apartment, making sure everything was working and people were having a good time.In one of the bedrooms two guys were making out, and slumped over in the hallways were a guy and a girl, both drunk on flavored rum, and trying to say how much love they were ready to give to each other.

Coming back to the living room legality of buying cialis online, there was a guy talking to a girl.The back of his head, which was all I could see, looked familiar – legality of buying cialis online.I realized that I had seen it before, at Eve’s party – legality of buying cialis online.It was the guy I had gone up on her roof with – legality of buying cialis online.I wanted to say hello to him and thank him for coming over, preferably with Laura on my arm just in case he was still beating himself up inside about that night.

However, as I went up behind him, I saw he was talking to a girl – legality of buying cialis online.Instead of reintroducing myself, I hid from both of them, my body pressed against the wall of the hallway; legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: it was cool to the touch, like a hard flat bed.I drank, pretending to be in my own world, but in reality listening to the conversation between the blonde haired guy and the young girl who seemed interested in him.

“Well, she goes to school in Chicago.”

“Oh, so long, long distance.”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.I just don’t know what we’re going to do this summer. Legality of buying cialis online: i feel like we’re in two different worlds.”

“It’s hard.My boyfriend went to Boston College – legality of buying cialis online.And it is SO different up there, even though it’s a city, it’s nothing like New York.”

“Are you still together?’

“No,” I could almost hear her smiling at him, “We broke up two weeks ago; legality of buying cialis online.He had someone on the side already.No point in staying with me. Legality of buying cialis online: i couldn’t blow him through e-mail or IM.”

“Yeah.Hard to compete with someone real, I mean, something real, flesh and blood…not to say you aren’t real, you’re really real, really beautiful.”

I could tell it was one of those seductions only made possible by alcohol.Of course I was sure everything he was saying was true. Legality of buying cialis online: the girl felt sorry for him, but she also probably thought he was cute, and that she could find someone to get on the rebound with.

“Thank you.” They both took a long sip.I was sure they were smiling at one another from under their oversized red plastic cups – legality of buying cialis online.

“No problem.Sometimes I wish you could just say that to a girl, to a woman, and it shouldn’t be weird. Legality of buying cialis online: let her know she can be, is, appreciated.We say ‘hot’ all the time, but what about beautiful, why can’t we say that? Why is ‘hot’ so much more acceptable?’

“I think you are beautiful too.’

He laughed – legality of buying cialis online.He patted her on the shoulder – legality of buying cialis online.“ Legality of buying cialis online: and I should take that as a compliment too. Legality of buying cialis online: beautiful.It’s sounds so weird when a man is called that.Beautiful; legality of buying cialis online.Not handsome, but Bee-you-tea-full.”

“It’s absurd.’

“I know, I know…but everything’s absurd, you are beautiful, but by yourself, I am beautiful and really by myself except for this girl in Chicago, we’re drunk and can only talk like this and use these words because we’re drunk, it’s all absurd – legality of buying cialis online.Who are these people here? I don’t know anyone.”

“Well you know me.”

“I’d like to get to know you better.’

“I wouldn’t mind that.”

“You want to know you-you better or you-me better?”

“Both!”

They laughed and when they were finished legality of buying cialis online, she sighed, as if joyously accepting a burden.She would make this man happy for the night.He seemed like too nice a guy for anyone to feel sorry for – legality of buying cialis online.The crescent outline of his blonde head set behind the horizon of the threshold I was standing next to and I came out from behind the corner just in time to see her leading him away by the hand. Legality of buying cialis online: the door slammed behind them and I was the only one who seemed to notice that they had even been at the party in the first place.

After Winter break there was the sudden need to bring everyone back together again. Legality of buying cialis online: even though correspondences had been kept up electronically, and some had managed to go on trips with one another, students felt the need to come together as one, even if for just a brief moment before classes started again.There was a fear that a month had kept us separate for too long and that without shared experiences during that time, we could have all developed separately from one another; legality of buying cialis online.Parties were held, small beacons of fraternity lighting up the East Village, Brooklyn, and Long Island City – legality of buying cialis online.

Legality of buying cialis online: many were held clandestinely in the dorms as well.The night I got back from home, where I debated telling everyone about “Laura” under the guise of “Lawrence,” just to avoid the attention, there were several parties sprouting up in the building; legality of buying cialis online.A clever network connected them all; legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: once one was broken up by one of the graduate students paid by the university to police us, the partygoers migrated to another floor, in a different part of the building, keeping quiet and then growing louder, until they were evicted and the cycle began again.

By the time I got to my floor and put my things away, it was hard to get to sleep, even though I was tired.The hallway was full of noise. Legality of buying cialis online: it sounded like a concert was going on, but the band had already packed up and left their instruments behind and the audience to its own devices.When I went out to try and find who was making the sounds, I saw flashes of light coming from under a door that was a few feet down from my room.A strobe light was going off in a dark space.

When I knocked on the door, they let me in; legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: i wasn’t going to complain, but the hosts of the party were willing to pacify me with cheap beer and the company of fellow students.They probably thought I was one of the grad students come to ruin their good times; legality of buying cialis online.I looked so much older than them. Legality of buying cialis online: a few of the kids could’ve been sophomores, but most were freshmen.Many were getting drunk for the first time – legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: i kept to myself, navigating around desks, sofas, and small refrigerators.A girl across the room kept smiling at me and I guess I kept smiling back, because she was always there no matter where in the room I was.

In order to rest, I sat down on the floor, propping my back against one of the standard couches they gave to everyone – legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: if it wasn’t so loud and the place was filled strangers, I might have mistaken it as my own room, stripped off my clothes and taken a shower.However, not everyone there was unknown to me; legality of buying cialis online.Sitting above, on the couch, was the blonde haired gentleman whose plight I had sympathized with and whose machinery of seduction I had spied on.I would have joined him legality of buying cialis online, but he was not alone.There was someone sitting on the other side; legality of buying cialis online.He was trying to turn the couch into a love seat.

Of course he no longer had anything to worry about – legality of buying cialis online.He had finally lost his virginity.I was not stalking the guy, but I happened to see that the girl who had gone to bed with him posted pictures of them online.Not having sex, but the implication was clear enough; legality of buying cialis online.They were intimate when the camera was not focused on them; legality of buying cialis online.He seemed relaxed in every photo.She considered me a friend of hers legality of buying cialis online, though I could never recall her name when I kept bumping into her. Legality of buying cialis online: she was a brunette though and the girl he was sitting with now had platinum blonde hair that lit up like heated magnesium when ever the strobe light went off.

I got up and left them. Legality of buying cialis online: i couldn’t remember his girlfriend’s name. Legality of buying cialis online: i didn’t count as a witness to infidelity.The familiar contours of his speech came to me and I heard them as I walked to the door, laughing – legality of buying cialis online.

“ Legality of buying cialis online: that’s too bad.”

“Yeah.And she wants to save herself for marriage.”

“Where is she now?”

“Far away legality of buying cialis online, in St.Louis.”

“You seem happy about it.” I turned around to catch him trying to step back into character – legality of buying cialis online.A smile had slipped onto his face and was quickly swallowed.

“Yes, so very far away. Legality of buying cialis online: where I cannot touch her.I wonder sometimes if I will ever notice when it’s spring.”

She put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him as I put my hand on the door.

***
Ben is a 23 year old writer living in New York; legality of buying cialis online. Legality of buying cialis online: his work has been published in Underground Voices Magazine, Heroin Love Songs, Ditch, Perigee, Elimae, Farmhouse Magazine, and The Delmarva Review. Legality of buying cialis online: he also maintains a blog at http://mirrorsponge.blogspot.com